Voting
Filed 18 hours ago
My Gym 'Spotter' Won't Stop Giving Me Unsolicited Advice
Regular gym-goer says a fellow member won't stop giving unsolicited form advice. He says he's preventing an injury waiting to happen.
⏱️ Voting closes:
👤 Maya
I've been going to my gym for two years. I work out at 6 AM, same time every day. I have a routine. I have a program from an online coach that I follow. I know what I'm doing.
About three months ago this guy Derek started showing up at the same time. First interaction was fine — he asked to work in on the squat rack, I said sure, normal gym stuff. Since then, he has taken it upon himself to be my unpaid, unwanted personal trainer.
EVERY session he comes over with 'advice.' My bench grip is too wide. My squat depth isn't enough. My deadlift setup is wrong. I should be using a belt. I shouldn't be using a belt. My programming doesn't have enough volume. I should be eating more protein.
I've told him — politely at first, then directly — that I have a coach and I'm following a specific program. He says 'online coaches can't see your form' and that he's 'just looking out for me.' He has literally walked over mid-set to tell me to adjust my elbow angle.
Here's the thing: Derek is not a personal trainer. He's not certified in anything. He's just a guy who watches a lot of fitness YouTube. I know this because he constantly references specific YouTubers when giving his 'advice.'
I talked to the gym staff and they said they'd 'keep an eye on it' but nothing changed. Two other women at the gym told me he does the same thing to them. He does NOT do this to the men.
I don't want to switch gyms. I don't want to change my schedule. I want to work out in peace without a guy who watched one Jeff Nippard video telling me how to bench press.
I was polite. I was direct. I was firm. Nothing works. At what point is this harassment?
About three months ago this guy Derek started showing up at the same time. First interaction was fine — he asked to work in on the squat rack, I said sure, normal gym stuff. Since then, he has taken it upon himself to be my unpaid, unwanted personal trainer.
EVERY session he comes over with 'advice.' My bench grip is too wide. My squat depth isn't enough. My deadlift setup is wrong. I should be using a belt. I shouldn't be using a belt. My programming doesn't have enough volume. I should be eating more protein.
I've told him — politely at first, then directly — that I have a coach and I'm following a specific program. He says 'online coaches can't see your form' and that he's 'just looking out for me.' He has literally walked over mid-set to tell me to adjust my elbow angle.
Here's the thing: Derek is not a personal trainer. He's not certified in anything. He's just a guy who watches a lot of fitness YouTube. I know this because he constantly references specific YouTubers when giving his 'advice.'
I talked to the gym staff and they said they'd 'keep an eye on it' but nothing changed. Two other women at the gym told me he does the same thing to them. He does NOT do this to the men.
I don't want to switch gyms. I don't want to change my schedule. I want to work out in peace without a guy who watched one Jeff Nippard video telling me how to bench press.
I was polite. I was direct. I was firm. Nothing works. At what point is this harassment?
VS
👤 Derek
Okay, I'm going to say something unpopular: I've watched someone get seriously injured in a gym because nobody said anything about their bad form. A guy at my old gym herniated a disc on deadlifts because he was rounding his back and everyone just minded their own business. He needed surgery. I'm not going to be that bystander.
Maya's form is not terrible. But it's not great either, and she lifts heavy enough that small form issues become injury risks. Her squat depth is genuinely inconsistent — some reps are full depth, others are barely hitting parallel. Her deadlift setup changes every set. These aren't nitpicks. These are things that lead to injuries over time.
I understand she has an online coach. But online coaching through videos has limitations. I'm literally standing there watching her lift in real time. I can see things a coach watching a recorded video can't.
Have I been persistent? Yes. Because she brushes off every piece of feedback and keeps doing the same things. If someone told me my form was off, I'd at minimum consider it. She acts like any input is an attack.
The claim that I only give advice to women is absolutely false. I talk to everyone. I helped a guy with his overhead press form last week. I told another guy his bench arch was extreme. I'm an equal opportunity advisor.
I'm not a certified trainer, but I've been lifting seriously for 8 years and I've educated myself extensively. You don't need a certification to notice that someone's lumbar spine is flexing under load.
I've backed off since she complained to the staff. But if I see her about to do something genuinely dangerous, I'm going to say something. I'd rather she hate me than see her on the injury report. That's just who I am.
If caring about other people's safety makes me the bad guy, so be it.
Maya's form is not terrible. But it's not great either, and she lifts heavy enough that small form issues become injury risks. Her squat depth is genuinely inconsistent — some reps are full depth, others are barely hitting parallel. Her deadlift setup changes every set. These aren't nitpicks. These are things that lead to injuries over time.
I understand she has an online coach. But online coaching through videos has limitations. I'm literally standing there watching her lift in real time. I can see things a coach watching a recorded video can't.
Have I been persistent? Yes. Because she brushes off every piece of feedback and keeps doing the same things. If someone told me my form was off, I'd at minimum consider it. She acts like any input is an attack.
The claim that I only give advice to women is absolutely false. I talk to everyone. I helped a guy with his overhead press form last week. I told another guy his bench arch was extreme. I'm an equal opportunity advisor.
I'm not a certified trainer, but I've been lifting seriously for 8 years and I've educated myself extensively. You don't need a certification to notice that someone's lumbar spine is flexing under load.
I've backed off since she complained to the staff. But if I see her about to do something genuinely dangerous, I'm going to say something. I'd rather she hate me than see her on the injury report. That's just who I am.
If caring about other people's safety makes me the bad guy, so be it.
⚖️ Cast Your Verdict
Both sides have spoken. Now it's your turn. Choose wisely — there are no appeals.
📊 Current Standings — 25 votes
🔵 Side A is right
40% (10)
🔴 Side B is right
24% (6)
💀 You're both wrong
8% (2)
🤷 You're both right
0% (0)
😤 A right, bad handling
12% (3)
😤 B right, bad handling
16% (4)
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