Voting
Filed 10 hours ago
She Venmo Requested Me $12 for a Coffee SHE Offered to Buy
Friend offered to grab coffee, then sent a Venmo request 3 days later. The other says offering doesn't mean paying.
⏱️ Voting closes:
👤 Taylor
I need someone to tell me I'm not crazy because everyone in my friend group is split on this.
Last Saturday Bree and I were hanging out and she said — and I quote — 'I'm gonna run to Starbucks, want me to grab you something?' I said sure, iced oat milk latte. She came back, handed it to me, we hung out for a few hours, great time.
Three days later I get a Venmo request from her for $11.85 with the memo 'coffee :)'
I stared at my phone for like five minutes. She OFFERED. She asked if I wanted something. That's not 'hey let me take your order and you can pay me later.' That's offering to buy someone a coffee. That is universally understood social code.
If I say 'want me to grab you something?' to a friend, I am offering to TREAT them. If I wanted them to pay, I'd say 'I'm going to Starbucks, want me to pick something up for you? You can Venmo me.' See the difference? The language matters.
I paid the Venmo request because I'm not going to ruin a friendship over $12, but I told her I thought it was weird. She got offended and said I was 'making it a thing.' I'M making it a thing? She's the one who sent a payment request for a coffee she volunteered to get!
Now she's telling our friends I'm cheap and entitled. I make good money. This isn't about the $12. It's about the principle that if you offer someone something, you don't invoice them after.
Last Saturday Bree and I were hanging out and she said — and I quote — 'I'm gonna run to Starbucks, want me to grab you something?' I said sure, iced oat milk latte. She came back, handed it to me, we hung out for a few hours, great time.
Three days later I get a Venmo request from her for $11.85 with the memo 'coffee :)'
I stared at my phone for like five minutes. She OFFERED. She asked if I wanted something. That's not 'hey let me take your order and you can pay me later.' That's offering to buy someone a coffee. That is universally understood social code.
If I say 'want me to grab you something?' to a friend, I am offering to TREAT them. If I wanted them to pay, I'd say 'I'm going to Starbucks, want me to pick something up for you? You can Venmo me.' See the difference? The language matters.
I paid the Venmo request because I'm not going to ruin a friendship over $12, but I told her I thought it was weird. She got offended and said I was 'making it a thing.' I'M making it a thing? She's the one who sent a payment request for a coffee she volunteered to get!
Now she's telling our friends I'm cheap and entitled. I make good money. This isn't about the $12. It's about the principle that if you offer someone something, you don't invoice them after.
VS
👤 Bree
Okay this has gotten way out of hand and I need to set the record straight.
When I said 'want me to grab you something,' I meant I was physically going to Starbucks and could pick up her order while I was there. That's it. I was being convenient, not generous. There's a difference.
I do this all the time with friends. 'Want me to grab you something' is not a binding financial commitment to pay for whatever someone orders. If I was going to Costco and said 'want me to grab you something,' would you expect me to buy your groceries? Of course not.
Also — she ordered an $11.85 drink. If she'd said 'just a regular coffee' that's like $3 and I probably wouldn't have requested it back. But she ordered a customized oat milk latte with an extra shot. That's not a casual freebie.
Three days is a normal timeframe to settle up. We all use Venmo for this exact purpose. I send requests to friends all the time for food runs and literally nobody else has ever had a problem with it.
The fact that she paid it and then told me it was 'weird' is what actually made this into a thing. If she thought I was treating her, a normal person would say 'oh I thought you were getting it, my bad, here's the money.' Instead she paid it and then made me feel like a bad person for asking.
I'm not cheap and I'm not petty. I regularly treat my friends. But I also don't believe that anyone who runs an errand is automatically buying. That's an entitled mindset.
When I said 'want me to grab you something,' I meant I was physically going to Starbucks and could pick up her order while I was there. That's it. I was being convenient, not generous. There's a difference.
I do this all the time with friends. 'Want me to grab you something' is not a binding financial commitment to pay for whatever someone orders. If I was going to Costco and said 'want me to grab you something,' would you expect me to buy your groceries? Of course not.
Also — she ordered an $11.85 drink. If she'd said 'just a regular coffee' that's like $3 and I probably wouldn't have requested it back. But she ordered a customized oat milk latte with an extra shot. That's not a casual freebie.
Three days is a normal timeframe to settle up. We all use Venmo for this exact purpose. I send requests to friends all the time for food runs and literally nobody else has ever had a problem with it.
The fact that she paid it and then told me it was 'weird' is what actually made this into a thing. If she thought I was treating her, a normal person would say 'oh I thought you were getting it, my bad, here's the money.' Instead she paid it and then made me feel like a bad person for asking.
I'm not cheap and I'm not petty. I regularly treat my friends. But I also don't believe that anyone who runs an errand is automatically buying. That's an entitled mindset.
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📊 Current Standings — 114 votes
🔵 Side A is right
22% (25)
🔴 Side B is right
33% (38)
💀 You're both wrong
15% (17)
🤷 You're both right
1% (1)
😤 A right, bad handling
24% (27)
😤 B right, bad handling
5% (6)
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